Minority Report

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Minority Report

After we saw A.I. together, Keil said something to me which I now think on: "Speilberg needs to stick to killing Jews."

Like Artificial Intelligence, Minority Report is plagued by the same two problems which have basically destroyed any faith in Speilberg that I'd ever had, assuming that I've ever had any, which is quite an assumption: (1) his ignorance of when or how films should end and his constant habit of filling his movies with ugly fodder and goofy twists and partial plot lines which add to the mass of already-too lengthy projects. Also, and most importantly, (2) his revoltingly sentimental and pleasant instincts.

(It's hard for me to imagine that the same guy who shot that infamous Ghetto Scene could somehow have turned into the mawkish dorkface that he now is.)

Minority Report is filled with so many very silly sequences, lighthearted in nature, that they retract from the attempted seriousness of the film. Eyeballs are always rolling around on the floor. Some bits even seem to be slapstick, with little kids playing their saxophones and then be accosted by flying police officers. It always seems to me that Steven Speilberg is trying to be cute. Cute is gross.

A.I. and Minority Report both end with everything being happy. Which is a lot of bullshit. I mean, if you've filmed The Odd Couple or something like that, then it makes perfect sense that everything ends happily. If Lloyd Bridges is starring in your film, then naturally you'd want it to be very uplifting. But if you've just constructed a negative vision of the future, then it isn't very fitting of the story to make the movie end with every character's life working out blissfully. You want something poignant like the singing German girl of Paths of Glory. Something that works with the rest of the film.

The last shot of a very content looking Agatha smiling and reading, and then with the camera moving out of her goddamn window and pulling back to show her happy little cottage and all the beauteous green hills around: that's just nonsense. A film like Minority Report should have ended in a few frames of sardonic nuclear explosions, not with justice and euphoria. If you wanted to make another family movie, Steven, then redo E.T..

Listen: what would The Godfather have been if the end sequence was of Al Pacino making wild mafia love to Diane Keaton instead of him slamming the door in her face? What would The Godfather Part II have been if it hadn't ended with Al Pacino sitting around feeling sorry for himself? What if he had decided to quit smoking and to take classes at a local community college and to do all the things he'd always wanted? What would Strangelove, most hilarious of movies, have been if it had ended with the Russians disarming their Doomsday Machine and everyone being very pleased because of it?

Even the ending to Speilberg's only good picture, and it's actually a wonderful picture, ends sadly. The guy had just saved hundreds of lives, and still he was crying.

Imagine a Planet of the Apes where Charleton Heston finds a homely cottage in the desert to live in. What kind of film could that be? It would be rotten, of course.

Good movies have to end sadly, unless they're good movies like Take the Money and Run, I mean.

The film seems to drag on (and believe me, the story is not worth two hours) through a lot of negativity and possible endings which would be suitably startling and tear-jerking, until finally the plot can take some sort of Disney-style turn and end on a high note. This isn't necessarily poor artistry on the director's part, or even on the writers', but simply shows a lot of bad taste. A.I. followed the same pattern.

Also, the really blatant product placements piss me off. I don't know how you could ever call a capitalist fat cat who puts Pepsi ads in his movies an artist.


	Deadly Ivy \| home Minority Report \| bog \| the rise and fall and subsequent resurrection of David Bowie \| hippies \| story \| mug \| s.a. \| allen \| the case against books by girls Minority Report After we saw A.I. together, Keil said something to me which I now think on: "Speilberg needs to stick to killing Jews." Like Artificial Intelligence, Minority Report is plagued by the same two problems which have basically destroyed any faith in Speilberg that I'd ever had, assuming that I've ever had any, which is quite an assumption: (1) his ignorance of when or how films should end and his constant habit of filling his movies with ugly fodder and goofy twists and partial plot lines which add to the mass of already-too lengthy projects. Also, and most importantly, (2) his revoltingly sentimental and pleasant instincts. (It's hard for me to imagine that the same guy who shot that infamous Ghetto Scene could somehow have turned into the mawkish dorkface that he now is.) Minority Report is filled with so many very silly sequences, lighthearted in nature, that they retract from the attempted seriousness of the film. Eyeballs are always rolling around on the floor. Some bits even seem to be slapstick, with little kids playing their saxophones and then be accosted by flying police officers. It always seems to me that Steven Speilberg is trying to be cute. Cute is gross. A.I. and Minority Report both end with everything being happy. Which is a lot of bullshit. I mean, if you've filmed The Odd Couple or something like that, then it makes perfect sense that everything ends happily. If Lloyd Bridges is starring in your film, then naturally you'd want it to be very uplifting. But if you've just constructed a negative vision of the future, then it isn't very fitting of the story to make the movie end with every character's life working out blissfully. You want something poignant like the singing German girl of Paths of Glory. Something that works with the rest of the film. The last shot of a very content looking Agatha smiling and reading, and then with the camera moving out of her goddamn window and pulling back to show her happy little cottage and all the beauteous green hills around: that's just nonsense. A film like Minority Report should have ended in a few frames of sardonic nuclear explosions, not with justice and euphoria. If you wanted to make another family movie, Steven, then redo E.T.. Listen: what would The Godfather have been if the end sequence was of Al Pacino making wild mafia love to Diane Keaton instead of him slamming the door in her face? What would The Godfather Part II have been if it hadn't ended with Al Pacino sitting around feeling sorry for himself? What if he had decided to quit smoking and to take classes at a local community college and to do all the things he'd always wanted? What would Strangelove, most hilarious of movies, have been if it had ended with the Russians disarming their Doomsday Machine and everyone being very pleased because of it? Even the ending to Speilberg's only good picture, and it's actually a wonderful picture, ends sadly. The guy had just saved hundreds of lives, and still he was crying. Imagine a Planet of the Apes where Charleton Heston finds a homely cottage in the desert to live in. What kind of film could that be? It would be rotten, of course. Good movies have to end sadly, unless they're good movies like Take the Money and Run, I mean. The film seems to drag on (and believe me, the story is not worth two hours) through a lot of negativity and possible endings which would be suitably startling and tear-jerking, until finally the plot can take some sort of Disney-style turn and end on a high note. This isn't necessarily poor artistry on the director's part, or even on the writers', but simply shows a lot of bad taste. A.I. followed the same pattern. Also, the really blatant product placements piss me off. I don't know how you could ever call a capitalist fat cat who puts Pepsi ads in his movies an artist.